May 29th, 1998
Volume One, Issue Two
Welcome Back ~ Jerome Wetzel, Editor
Interview with Michelangelo DiVinci ~ Dirty Rat, * Reporter
More Funny Shorts ~ Mr. I. M. Funnie
The Horror Story of the Week: racecaR ~ Amb. Ikki
REAL STORY: Invasion / Writing ~ Capt. Germ-Rome Wet-Zell
Spoof: Carrot ~ Mr. Carrot, English Art Critic
Goodbye ~ Jerome Wetzel
Welcome Back
Welcome back subscribers! This is the second issue of Bouncing Off the Walls. This is your fabulous, great, excellent (and very modest) editor in chief, Jerome Wetzel, wishing you all a barrel of laughs. We hope you enjoy this second issue. Those of you who are new, see the REAL article. We have a companion story to "The Cafeteria" this month written by Com. Nikki. You can still send stories, etc. and if you want to write a sequel or companion story to "The Cafeteria" or "racecaR" go ahead. It may be published. *Note: all interviews and stories are NOT necessarily true. And if you don't like it, too bad!
Interview With Michelangelo DiVinci
Interview by Dirty Rat, our Star Reporter.
D.R.: What movies have you been in?
M.D.: Titan of Ick, The Girl in the Foil Mask, and Shaker's Radical and Julette.
D.R.: How old are you?
M.D.: I am 22.
D.R.: Is it true you're straight, like the rumor says?
M.D.: Of course not!
D.R.: Any advice for girls wanting to go out with you?
M.D.: I'm gay! I'm not going out with girls!
D.R.: What about guys?
M.D.: I'm a Hollowood star, there's no way I'm going out with those losers. Plus I have a steady boyfriend.
D.R.: WHO???
M.D.: Dennis "The Menace" Barman, the basketball flunkie.
D.R.: He's gay?
M.D.: Duh!
D.R.: What are you upcoming projects?
M.D.: Well I'm doing a movie with JBB. In the movie we play gay guys.
D.R.: So he's gay?
M.D.: No, I was crushed when I found out.
D.R.: What are you hobbies?
M.D.: Gambling, spelunking, being a cheerleader, surfing.
D.R.: Will you go out with me?
M.D.: You're a rat! I only go out with guys.
D.R.: DARN!
More Funny Shorts
By Mr. I. M. Funnie
#1 Priest (In an Elementary Classroom): Who can tell me who
Jesus' mother was?
ALL: Mary!
Priest: Now how can tell me who Jesus' father was?
Boy: Virg.
Priest: Virg?
Boy: Sure! Everyone's heard of Virg 'n Mary.
#2 Capt. Jerk: Can I have my teddy bear back?
Zulu: He's busy.
Capt. Jerk: But I need him!
Checkmark: He'll be back in a minute. He's with Fake.
Capt. Jerk: NOW!
Zulu: O.k., o.k. Pock, get up here!
#3 Fly #1: Have you ever kissed a girl?
Fly #2: Yeah!
Fly #1: What was her name?
Fly #2: Swatter, Fly Swatter.
#4 Boy #1: What was the grossest thing you've ever eaten?
Boy #2: Spinach!
Boy #3: Fudge!
Boy #1: Liver!
Boy #4: A Macintosh!
Boy #1: Why would you eat a Macintosh?
Boy #4: It was an Apple! #5 What is a computer's favorite animal?
A mouse!
Horror Story of the Week:
racecaR
By: Amb Ikki, friend of The Scary Clown
This is the companion to "The Cafeteria"
HINT: Start at the end, and go towards the beginning.
WARNING: May be VERY scary, than again, may not be.
!racecaR was backward spelled Racecar knew everyone Because .signature his was racecaR Racecar
racecaR
Racecar
:of Property
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REAL STORY: Invasion / Writing
By: Capt. Germ-Rome Wet-Zell
Greetings! This is the captain of the SW parody fleet. I would like to encourage you all to use the add-on log on my page http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dimension/8930. We have completed two add-on logs so far: Invasion Part 1 and Invasion Part 2. Be part of the action in the last of the story: Invasion Part 3 where it all comes together. Will they get their hairdryer? Or will they scrounge up enough money to buy special effects? Or will they all just die? You tell me! Add-on today, before it's too late!
I'm still looking for stories. I would like more companions stories as well as sequels to cafeteria. Everyone submitting a story gets a prize by the end of Aug. Com. Nikki gets one, will you be next? If you can't write, just give me ideas. This is your magazine so tell me what goes in it. I'm always trying to think up a good movie to SPOOF (of course I have to have seen it, but that doesn't stop you from writing one, does it? Or you can tell me what to SPOOF).
Spoof:
Carrot
By: Mr. Carrot, English Art Critic. The following story is rated PG.
Mr. Carrot jumped out of bed. He was early to his meeting, again. People hated early people. He zoomed to the art museum and sat down on a bench to wait.
Three days later they called him in. "Carrot, we have decided we don't want you to go to America, because we all love you, but we're sending you anyway!"
Mr. Carrot climbed off his plane and saw a family of geeks holding a sign with his name. He tried to run, but the father caught him. "Come on Professor.
"I don't like him," said the geeky mother. "I'm going to my mothers!"
"Have fun!" called the father.
"O.k., Professor. We have to make dinner. You stuff the turkey and I'll pour drinks. LOTS of drinks," said the geeky father. He ran to the liquor cabinet and gobbled down Scotch by the bottle full.
"Can I have some?" asked a guest.
"There's only enough for one!" said the geeky father.
"This turkey is too fat. It has to work out!" said Mr. Carrot. He began making it exercise. The turkey got mad and covered Mr. Carrot's eyes. "Where am I?" asked Mr. Carrot.
"In the kitchen, stupid," said the turkey.
"Oh. Are you skinny enough yet?"
"Yes. Cook me!" So Mr. Carrot cooked the turkey. He tried serving it to the guests, but they were gone because the geeky father wouldn't give them anything to eat. Mr. Carrot and the geeky father ate the whole thing.
"You have to help me!" said the geeky father. "I ruined the Hummer's Grandmother picture!"
"O.k.," said Mr. Carrot. He drew a cartoon face of the geeky father's wife on the picture.
"Perfect!" said the geeky father. Mr. Carrot thought otherwise. He ran, bought a poster they were conveniently selling, and glued it on top. Parts of the floor and walls were showing on the sides, but Mr. Carrot hung it up anyway. No one noticed, and they thought Mr. Carrot was cool, and they all cried when he left. The geeky father's wife never came back because she though being a geek was enough, she couldn't be married to a geeky person!
Goodbye
By: Jerome Wetzel
Goodbye. Thanks for reading. See you next time.