June 12th, 1998
Volume One, Issue Four
Welcome Once More ~ Jerome Wetzel, Editor
Interview with Dirty Rat ~ Dirty Rat, * Reporter
Yet More Funny Shorts ~ Mr. I. M. Funnie
The Horror Story of the Week: "Cafeteria Part 4" ~ The
Scary Clown
REAL STORY: SW Crews ~ Capt. Germ-Rome Wet-Zell
Spoof: Grime ~ Donny Zook-A, leader of U-Fowls
Goodbye ~ Jerome Wetzel
Quote ~ George Herman "Babe" Ruth
Welcome Once More
By: Jerome Wetzel, Editor
Fourth issue at last! I need more horror stories (they don't have to be about the Cafeteria, but they can be) and quotes and interviews and spoofs (I don't want to write them all). I even need some funny shorts! Please someone? Nikki? This is YOUR magazine, give me some input or else! J As always, feel free to send questions or comments to Actors_Nightmare@hotmail.com Enjoy this issue and give me ideas for more! *NOTE: all stories and interviews are NOT necessarily true (except the REAL story and quote) and if you don't like it, too bad!
Interview With Dirty Rat, * Reporter
Interview by Dirty Rat, our * Reporter. "I finally get to interview the greatest person of all…me!"
D.R.: How are you
D.R.: Fine.
D.R.: Who do you find the coolest person in the world?
D.R.: Me! I mean you! I mean…um…
D.R.: Cool. Well what is the most charming aspect of me?
D.R.: My, I mean your, looks.
D.R.: How would you say you, I mean I, look?
D.R.: Fabulous!
D.R.: Thank you, thank you. If you were a girl, or someone other than myself, would you go on a date with me?
D.R.: The Dirty Rat Log.
D.R.: What are your greatest accomplishments?
D.R.: My interviews! Especially with Dr. Banana, myself, Michelangelo DiVinci, and High Admiral Baboon.
Yet More Funny Shorts
By Mr. I. M. Funnie
#1 Boy #1: My brother ate an orange!
Boy #2: What's so bad with that?
Boy #3: Then he ate a purple and a red! (crayons)
#2 What kind of computer can you see right through?
Gateway
#3 Yakko Warner: Is there a nurse around?
Nurse: I'm a nurse.
Yakko: Helloooooooo Nurse!
#4 Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ida.
Ida who?
I'd appreciate if you stop telling dumb jokes!
#5 Bugs Bunny: Is there a doctor in the house?
Doctor: I'm a doctor!
Bugs: Eh, what's up Doc?
Horror Story of the Week:
"Cafeteria Part 4"
By: The Scary Clown
This is the sequel to "The Cafeteria Parts 1 and 2" and "racecaR"
WARNING: May be VERY scary, than again, may not be.
"!shh Hey" said racecaR. "!freezer the in are mom his and boy The"
"Let's lock them in!" said a boy named Frank.
"k.O." said racecaR, doing the latch.
"What are they doing?" asked a girl named Fran.
"Yelling," said Frank.
"Let them out!" said Fran.
"No!" said Frank.
"Yes!" said Fran.
"!go you In" said racecaR. He shoved them in the freezer and locked it.
"Help!" said Fran.
"Help!" said Frank.
"Help!" said the cook.
"Help!" said the boy.
"!oN," said racecaR.
You continue it!
REAL STORY: SW Crews
By: Capt. Germ-Rome Wet-Zell
Thank you all for signing up for an SW crew. if you haven't, do it! The positions left are all for the Nightrain except Hacker which is for both. Positions: Hacker, Nurse, Janitor, and Capt.'s Yeoman.
The crew are, for Cockroach: Captain - Me (I will be stepping down next year), XO - Nate, Security - Mark, OPS - Jacob, CMO - Anna (also backup Capt.'s Yeoman), Counselor - Cindy, Engineering - Megan, Bridge Engineer - Thomas, Cook - Bill, Waiter - Aaron, Nurse - Ens. Master, Captain's Yeoman - Rachel, Tactical - Danny Budzinski, Brig - Zelda, Janitor - Owen, Alien Expert - Hannah, Science - Bea, Helm - Patrick, Ambassador - Captain Danny; for Nightrain: Captain - Shane, XO - Ashley, Security - Ginger, OPS - Rick, CMO - Claire, Counselor - Em, Engineering - Landon, Bridge Engineer - Phillip, Cook - Ray Ray, Waitress - Kasey, Tactical - James, Brig - Zeb, Alien Expert - T. B. Williams, Science - Amanda, Helm - Lida, Ambassador - Nikki.
Spoof:
Grime
By: Danny Zook-A, leader of U-Fowls
Rated PG-13 for Adult Discussion (if you can watch the movie "Grease" the story will be o.k.)
"Summer loving, I got plastered!" sung Donny.
"Summer loving, happened so slow," sung Dirty Dee.
"Saved her life! She nearly choked!"
"He showed off, jumping around."
"Summer sun, something's begun but uh oh those summer evenings," sung both.
"Tell me more tell me more," sung the girls.
"Did you get very far?" asked a U-Fowl.
"Like does he have a motorcycle," said a Grey Girl named Martyr.
"O.k., o.k. We have to cut the rest of the song," said the director.
"What was your guy's name?" asked a Grey Girl named Spanishe.
"Donny Zook-A." Another Grey Girl named Razzo laughed.
"Look! It's Donny!" said Razzo.
"Donny!" said Dirty.
"Hey babe!"
"You've changed. I hate you!"
"Let me pierce Dirty's ear - in the bathroom," said Spanishe.
"Look at me, I'm Dirty Dee," sung Razzo. "Lousy with virginity. Won't come across even Lockhart or staff, I can't I'm Dirty Dee!"
"Razzo, you making fun of me?" asked Dirty.
"Uh, bye! My U-Fowl boyfriend Kihickey is outside!"
"Donny's yelling for you!" said the other Grey Girl named Pan.
"Tell him to join the track team."
"I joined the track team."
"O.k. Let's date."
"Hello boys and girls, it's time for the dance off!" said a really famous guy who no one knew. He stood on the stage gawking at Martyr.
"Let's dance Dirty," said Donny. They danced until a girl named Chaw Chaw cut in. Then Donny and Chaw Chaw won the contest. Dirty was upset.
"Hey! Look! Dirty Dee is just Dirty! Look at those clothes!" said Pan as Dirty came up dressed all in black.
"I got heat, it's multiplying, and I'm gaining control, cause the power, you're supplying, it's nonelectrifying!" said Donny.
"We have to cut the song," said Dirty.
"We go together," said Razzo.
"Like bluddu bluddu bluddu," said Pan.
"Wamp bam boo!" said Donny.
"Just like my sister!" said Spanishe.
"For each other!" said Dirty.
"Ting tang," said Kihickey.
"Has everyone got a word in?" asked Donny.
"No, I and some of these other U-Fowls haven't!" said Martyr.
"The end," said the director.
Goodbye
By: Jerome Wetzel
Goodbye. Thanks for reading. See you next time.
Quote
"It's hard to beat someone who never gives up." ~ George Herman "Babe" Ruth