June 19th, 1998
Volume One, Issue Five
Welcome People ~ Jerome Wetzel, Editor
Interview with Mr. Yes and Mr. No ~ Dirty Rat, * Reporter
More and More Funny Shorts ~ Mr. I. M. Funnie
The Horror Story of the Week: "Cafeteria Part 5" ~ The
Scary Clown
REAL STORY: Are Your Parents Mean? ~ Jerome Wetzel
Spoof: Girls Will Be Girls ~ Wade, older sister
Goodbye ~ Jerome Wetzel
Quote ~ Michael Dorn as Worf
Welcome People
By: Jerome Wetzel, Editor
BIG number 5! I need more stories (horror, spoofs, quotes, interviews, funny shorts, etc.) Someone PLEASE get your writing fingers out! As always, feel free to send questions or comments to Actors_Nightmare@hotmail.com Enjoy this issue! Give me ideas! If you're not going to write, just give me ideas!!! *NOTE: all stories and interviews are NOT necessarily true (except the REAL story and quote) and if you don't like it, too bad!
Interview With Mr. Yes and Mr. No
Interview by Dirty Rat, our * Reporter
D.R.: Are you both fine?
Yes: Yes
No: No
D.R.: O.k.…Do you have any hobbies?
Yes: Yes
No: No
D.R.: Mr. Yes, would you care to tell us about them?
Yes: Yes
D.R.: Go ahead…
No: No!
D.R.: I was talking to Yes.
Yes: Yes
No: No
D.R.: What a pair!
Yes: Yes
No: No
D.R.: Are you going to get married? Opposites attract.
Yes: Yes
No: (while nodding) No
D.R.: Is that all you can say?
Yes: Yes
No: No
D.R.: Goodbye!
More and More Funny Shorts
By Mr. I. M. Funnie
#1 Did you hear about the frog?
Yeah! He croaked!
#2 How do computers eat?
In bytes! (bites)
#3 What did the cow say to her baby?
Moove over and leave milk for the farmer!
#4 Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry little baby!
#5 Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!
Horror Story of the Week:
"Cafeteria Part 5"
By: The Scary Clown
This is the sequel to "The Cafeteria Parts 1, 3, & 4" and "racecaR"
WARNING: May be VERY scary, than again, may not be.
"Let us out!" said Fran.
"Oh, let 'em out!" said a girl named Helga, coming up behind racecaR.
"?yhW" asked racecaR.
"They'll freeze!"
"?oS"
"Get in there!" said a voice. The freezer door opened and racecaR and Helga were shoved in.
"Should we help them?" asked a kid named George.
"That tall, dark figure in the trench coat and hat locked them in," said Yolanda.
"Let him get them out!" said Margaret.
"Get in there!" said the figure. He shoved Margaret, George, and Yolanda in. Then he locked the door again. The remaining kids, Jimmy, Joe, Adam, Matilda, Anna, Geoff, Jennie, and Kelly fled.
"A hahaha!" said the figure.
"HELP!" said the boy and his mom.
"HELP!" said Fran and Frank. "HELP!" said Helga.
"!PLEH" said racecaR.
"HELP!" said Margaret, George, and Yolanda.
The man just laughed.
You continue it!
REAL STORY: Are Your Parents Mean?
By: Jerome Wetzel
Do you think you have mean parents? Take this quick quiz.
All A answers get 1 point, all B's get 2, and all C's get 3. Add them up and compare them to the chart.
1.If your parents think you did something bad do they…
A. Let you tell your side of the story or they just yell
B. Tell you that you have to lose t.v. for a day
C. Make you run 5 miles.
2. If your parents says something and you question it, do they…
A. Don't pay any attention to it
B. Say "Don't back talk me!"
C. Make you run 5 miles OR take away computer and t.v. for two weeks
3. If your brother or sister did something and your parents don't know which one of you did it, do they…
A. Just let it go
B. Punish you both (minor punishment)
C. Punish you (major punishment)
4. If you say something your parents don't believe (even if it's true) do they…
A. Ignore you
B. Call you a liar
C. Call you a liar AND punish you
5. If your sibling hits / kicks / attacks you and you shove him off of you (just shove, don't go after and attack) do they…
A. Punish your sibling
B. Punish you both
C. Punish you
5-6 points NICE PARENTS!!! I WISH I HAD THEM!!!
7-11 points Kinds of mean, but normal, don't worry
12-15 (I scored a perfect 15) I'd move out if I were 16 or had the money!
Spoof:
Girls Will Be Girls
By: Wade, older sister
Rated PG for violent and destructive actions (If you can see
"Home Alone", you can read this)
"What happened?" asked Officer Krupke. he stared at the two sisters and the dork in a ripped purple suit.
"It was them!" said the dork.
"Bye kids. Be good," said the parents as they very reluctantly left their two daughters home alone.
"We will," said Wade, the elder.
"Yeah," said Justin, the younger. The parents left.
"You're not aloud in the family room," said Wade.
"The I still have our bedroom!" said Justin.
"No!" said Wade. He shoved Justin out of the way.
"Then I get the family room. Oops! My ice-cream!"
"I'll cream you!" Ice-cream was on their dad's favorite chair.
"Clean!" said Justin. They cleaned it up. "Go outside."
"Why?"
"There's a surprise."
"It's o.k., Honey. I'll do it," said the dork in the purple suit.
"You better!" said Bam-Bam.
"So I break into the house, leave the money…
"…and I call the police, they find the money, and you get the promotion!"
"YEAH!"
"Go!" The dork left.
"I'm just a money grubber," she said.
"AHHH!" said Wade. Justin's friends had a remote control lawn mower after him.
"Hahaha!" said Justin. Wade got in the house.
"Did you hear that?"
"What?" said Justin.
"It's a dork!" said Wade. They ran up to their room. The dork saw them and came after them. They beat him up with wiffle bats and stuff. He ran outside and got bitten by a dog. They knocked the money out the window by accident.
"Killer cat!" said the dork. He ran from a cat that bit his bottom.
"Oh, so it WAS you!" said Krupke to the dork.
"No!"
"Is this you girlfriend?" He pointed to a wanted poster.
"Um, it was all her fault!" said the dork. "How did you know who she was?"
"She tried to buy a rental car with your expired credit card."
"NO!"
"Girls, want a ride home?"
"Yes!"
"Hi kids," said the dad.
"Hi," said the mom.
"This is not our house! Look at the yard!" said the dad.
"What?" said Wade and Justin.
"It's mowed! I didn't ask!" They just smiled.
The End
Goodbye
By: Jerome Wetzel
Goodbye. Thanks for reading. See you next time.
Quote
"It is a good day to die." ~ Michael Dorn as Worf, Star Trek: First Contact (among other times)