January 24, 1999 (written on that date)
Volume Two, Issue One
Welcome ~ Com. Nikki, Assistant Editor
Editor's Comments ~ Com. Jerome Wetzel, Editor
Interview with Mr. Potato Head ~ Dirty Rat
Funny Shorts ~ Mr. I. M. Funnie
The Horror Story of the Week: "A Big Purple Dinosaur Part 1"~The Scary Clown
REAL STORY: Quiz: Band Quiz "What percussion instrument are you?" ~ Com. Nikki, Assistant Editor
SPOOF: My Worst Enemy's Funeral ~ Droolia Robbies
Goodbye ~ Com. Nikki, Assistant Editor
Star Trek Quote ~ Michael Dorn as Worf
Quote ~ Mitch Mahaney, Band Director, West Jefferson H.S.
Welcome
By: Commander Nikki, Assistant Editor
Hello, I'm Com. Nikki and welcome to Series 2, Volume 1 of "Bouncing Off the Walls". When SW announced that he was going to shut down the magazine, I volunteered to write it for him. Now he is the Editor of "Bouncing Off the Walls". Enjoy our new set of issues.
Editor's Comments
By: Com. Jerome Wetzel, Editor
As Commander Nikki said, I was going to shut down this fun filled magazine and she sent me this magazine shortly before I did. I have edited it, but pretty much left her stories the same. I wrote the spoof, and she wrote the interview, funny shorts, horror story, real story, goodbye, and welcome following some guidelines I sent her. I will now resume my position writing this magazine, but I hope with Nikki's help (she will be Assistant Editor and a big writer) and anyone else who would like to help. Sign up now! And kudos to Nikki! I really enjoyed this issue and I'm sure you will too!
Interview with Mr. Potato Head
By: Dirty Rat
D.R. Hi Mr. Potato Head!
P.H. (:-D)
D.R. Well, I'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind.
P.H. (:-D)
D.R. Good, well, my first question is this: are you raw or baked?
P.H. (:-D)
D.R. Wow, that's very interesting! Also, how did you become so popular?
P.H. (:-D)
D.R. Oh, I've always thought it was because you were tan, cute, and if you tick someone off they can rearrange your face!
P.H. (:-D)
D.R. HA HA HA! You're pretty funny! How can I become more like you?
P.H. (:-D)
D.R. Wow, thanks a bunch! And that concludes our interview! Would you like to say goodbye, Mr. Potato Head?
P.H. (:-D)
D.R. Geez, that guy never shuts up.
Funny Shorts
By Mr. I. M. Funnie
#1. Q. Why was Com. Riker sent to sick-bay after a ship-to-ship battle?
A. The captain ordered Mr. Worf to "Fire at Will."
#2. Boy: Mommy, does God use our bathroom?
Mom: Why do you ask, sweetie?
Boy: 'Cuz every morning when I get up I always hear Daddy pounding on the bathroom door yelling "Oh, GOD are you still in there?"
#3. Stewardess: Would you like some lunch, sir?
Passenger: What are the choices?
Stewardess: We serve typical airline food, sir, the choices are "yes" or "no".
#4. Joey Smith got so good at forging signatures that he started charging his friends $5.00 for absent notes. The principal soon found out and called him down to the office. "You'd better have a good excuse for me," said the principal. "Sure," said Joey. "But it'll cost you!"
#5. A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a drink...and a mop.
The Horror Story of the Week: "A Big Purple Dinosaur Part 1"
By: the Scary Clown
WARNING: This story may be very scary...then again it may not be.
Baby Julie sat in her playpen playing with her favorite toy. The little purple dinosaur called Barney. Her big sister, Annie, was watching her while their mother was at work. Annie was getting bored. Julie was the cutest baby sister she could have hoped for, but right now she just wasn't in the mood to watch Julie play "Imagination" with her little Barney toy.
"I'm getting a soda." groaned Annie to Julie. Julie giggled and went back to playing. Annie looked through the fridge for a soda, but she kept thinking of something her mother had told her before she left for work. "Don't let her out of your sight for a second," she had said. Annie had always known her mom to be overprotective, but something in her voice said that this time she meant business.
Annie found her soda and opened it, the result being that the soda exploded all over her new shirt. "Auugh!" she cried and ran downstairs to wash it before the stain settled. She came back up wearing a stinky shirt that had been in the hamper from yesterday. She looked at the clock and noticed it was time for Julie's bottle. She quickly took the bottle and stuck it in the microwave. When it was done she tested it on her hand. "YYYYEEEEOOWWW!" she screamed as the searing hot milk sprayed her hand. She ran it under cold water and dried it in her stinky shirt. She got to Julie's room.
"Juuuulieeee! Time for baba!" she said in her most cheerful voice. She opened the door, and regretted it. What she now saw was a 7 foot tall, sickeningly cute, purple dinosaur - any teenager's worst nightmare. It was dancing around the room with a big smile on its face. Julie was giggling at the dinosaur. Annie ran to the baby and picked her up. She lead Julie to the door. It slammed shut in front of them. Annie screamed. Julie cried.
The dinosaur monstrosity spoke. "It's not nice to take somebody's friend away while they are still playing. Why don't you be my friend too? Stay awhile! Stay forever!"
To be continued…
Real Story: Quiz: Band Quiz: "What instrument are you?"
By: Commander Nikki, Assistant Editor
This test determines what percussion instrument you are most like. A's are 3 points, B's are 2 and C's are 1.
1. At parties, you would most likely:
a) Stand up on a table and challenge anyone who dares to a game of twister.
b) Hang with your friends and do goofy dancing.
c) Complain that there's no classical or foreign music.
2. On the first day of school, you:
a) announce to everyone in your class that you're running for student council and that you wouldn't mind a little friendly competition.
b) Greet all your friends and tell them everything you did that summer.
c) say "hi" to your friends grudgingly and go to your desk to look at some textbooks.
3. Your friends are discussing an idea at recess. What are you doing?
a) Hanging from a tree by your legs suggesting things with a big smile on your face and helping your friends get the ball rolling on it.
b) thinking it's a really neat idea and giving any suggestions you think would work.
c) rolling your eyes at the idea, thinking that they should be more concerned about next week's test.
4. Now your friends are talking to the teacher about their idea, trying to get his/her advice. Are you there?
a) Of course! You suggested seeing the teacher in the first place!
b) Yup! This opportunity seems too good to pass up.
c) No way! Your friends are too immature, so you go hang out with some upperclassmen.
These are your results!
4-5 points-The Triangle. In your crowd, you're the little background *ping*, meaning that you since don't like most of your friend's ideas or choices, they may not like listening to you. You may even be a bit uptight. You're definitely not a bad person, but your friends may begin seeing you as stuck up if you're not careful.
6-9 points-The Tambourine! You're easygoing and fun. You enjoy hanging out with others, and by the looks of things, I think they like hanging out with you.
10-12 points-The Cymbols!!! Life is good! You like to be the center of attention and you like living on the edge. Just be careful you don't hurt yourself! :_)
SPOOF: My Worst Enemy's Funeral
By: Droolia Robbies, star
NOTE: This is short because I haven't seen it in awhile.
Droolia sat in her apartment waiting for her worst enemy to call. They had decided that if they were already married on their 30th birthdays, they'd marry each other. Suddenly the phone rang.
"Hello?" she said eagerly.
"Hey, Drools. Guess what? I'm not getting married. Wanna come? I want you to be the best man."
"Fine."
Droolia got off her plane and walked to her worst enemy's house. He was sitting with his new fiancee, Ugly. Ugly sneered at Droolia and she sneered back. This was keeping them from getting married! They went to a bar and Droolia embarrased her. Now Ugly was mad. She ran at Droolia, and her worst enemy was mad for screwing up his not-wedding. They decided that she would not come.
Droolia came anyway and brought her straight friend. In the end, the worst enemy didn't get married, so at the recption, Droolia was sad seeing the unhappy worst enemy and Ugly dancing together. Finally she danced with her straight friend and she went home.
THE END
Goodbye
By: Com. Nikki, Assistant Editor
Well, that concludes this issue of "Bouncing Off the Walls". Goodbye!
Star Trek Quote
"It is a good day to die." ~ Michael Dorn as Worf
Quote
"Don't sweat over petty things…and don't pet sweaty things!" ~ Mitch Mahaney, Band Director, West Jefferson H.S.