Episode 76,384,947
"Invasion Part II"
By: Capt. Germ-Rome, Admiral Poem, Toe-Mash, and Amb. Ikki
"What just happened? Why didn't our phasers cut through?" asked Jerk.
"Our special effect budget is low so they decided only the Furries could do damage," said Pock.
"Oh," said Jerk. "Then we're sunk?"
"No. Most likely the ship will explode," said Pock.
"Bummer," said Checkmark.
"Checkmark, don't be rude," Zulu warned.
"Now, Pock, I want special effects, and quick!" Jerk shouted.
"I cannae doo it Captain," said Snotty.
"Oh Snotty, shut up and doo it without complaining for once," said Pock.
"Can we stop us from blowing up?" asked Jerk.
"Yes, sir. I can put a blow-upable shield up," said Snotty.
"Put it up."
"I cannae doo it Captain."
"Why not?"
"You Horta left the hair styler in her quarters."
"The hair styler? What does that have to do..."
"The hair styler creates an electromagnetic conduit..."
"Ohh, technobable. Pock, please translate. Go on Snotty."
"Aye sir. The electromagnetic conduit creates a space-time rupture which causes the casmotic rejectors to pulse into a yofrenic lifeform that eats helium dioxide with ghana moonde sauce."
"He says that 'The Great Bird of the Galaxy bit off the moter'."
"Oh, is that all?"
"Yep."
"That doesn't make any sense. Pock, tell him to make sense."
"I cannae doo that, cap'n, it's ipossibull. If I had a bloomin' cooondoooit I could do it. I mean coondoooit fixer. It would fix my brain waves so I had a scotch brain."
"A little old lady from Flemingrad, Russia made scotch," said Checkmark.
"In full fact, scotch was made..."
"You two, just do your job!" yelled Jerk. "Yeoman Ran, get me pickels and ice-cream."
"Captain!" said You Horta shocked.
"What?"
"Are you pregnant?"
"Yeah. So?"
"Who's the father?" asked Zulu.
"Here's your pickles and ice-cream," said Ran.
"Oh," said Pock.
"I don't get it," said Checkmark.
"You don't want to get it," replied a shuddering Pock.
"Snotty, have you found the hair dryer?" asked Jerk.
Snotty's voice came over the communicator. "Yes sir, unfortunately I dropped it and now it's in pieces on the floor, and I canne fix it!"
"Snotty, you're supposed to be an engineer!" snapped Jerk.
"Even a specialist wouldn't be able to fix this! Like I said, it's in pieces!" cried Snotty.
"Just from dropping it?" asked Pock.
"Well, I also, sort of, stepped on it."
"STEPPED on it?" asked You Horta.
"Well, change 'sort of' to 'repeatedly'." admitted an ashamed Snotty.
"We can't waste time on this, does anyone else have a hair-dryer?" asked Jerk. Everyone looked at Jerk. His eyes went wide.
"No, I won't do it! I won't part with my hair dryer! I'm the captain, and the captain needs to look nice. It's---a formality, yeah, a formality."
"Do you want to live?" asked Pock.
"Not without my hair dryer!" pouted Jerk.
"That's a tough remark to beat, Pock" said Checkmark
"Agreed, we're just going to have to scrounge up some money to buy some special effects. I've calculated that we'll need $50,000 to beat the Furrys. I have 2 bucks. How much do you people have?" asked Pock.
"I have 75 cents," said Checkmark.
"I have a penny and a nickle," said Zulu.
"I have 3 cents," said You Horta.
"I have a button," said Jerk.
"Altogether we have $2.84 and a button. Wow, we MUST be rich!" said Pock sarcastically.
"Are you being sarcastic?" asked Jerk.
"Noooo!" said Pock.
"O.k."
"Wait I have an idea!" said Checkmark. "Let's sell U.S. Athletics Shoes to raise money!"
"Oh, sure. That's great," said Zulu sarcastically.
"Are YOU being sarcastic?" asked Checkmark.
"Nooo," said Zulu.
"O.k."
"Wait, let's sell South Park stuff," said Ens. Anonymous.
"That's a stupid idea!" said You Horta.
"I just made $13,138,384 in the last ten minutes on the stuff!"
"Give it to us!" said Pock.
"No! I want to be an automatic rice maker!"
"Well, you'll just have to lose it."
"Over my dead body!"
"O.k.!" said Fake.
"Wait! I know who has a hair drier!" said Zulu.
"Who???" they all asked.
"Nurse Church!"
"How do you know that?" asked Jerk.
"Well..."
"YES!!!! She's moved on!" said Pock.
"No, it was 5 years ago."
"But she met me 4 years, 364 days ago!"
"I know! You ruined my relationship!"
"So???"
"Well, I always wanted revenge, so I'm going to get it today!"
"No you're not!"
"Hold it!" said Ens. Anonymous. "I have Nurse Church's hairdryer!"
"How did you..." asked Jerk.
"Never mind," said Snotty.
"Can we have it?" asked You Horta.
"For $2.85 and a button."
"We only have $2.84 and a button!" said Checkmark.
"DUH!" said Zulu.
"Look, I found a penny!" said You Horta, "I'm rich!"
"We're saved!" said Pock.
"No, first you have to go out with Nurse Church or you don't get it," she said.
"Noo!" said Pock.
"Please!" they all pleaded.
"NO WAY!"
"You're our only hope you dumb yellow-blooded Fulcan!" said Fake.
"I'm grey blooded!"
"Who cares?"
"I do!"
"Will you go out with me?" asked Nurse Church.
"No!"
"Pock..." pleaded Jerk.
TO BE CONCLUDED...