Han
Han serves as the on the under the command of. All other information is still being filed by an endless line of desk job people.
Helmet
The Helmets are a race of people that are both male and female. This gets really interesting an confusing when someone like Burger gets pregnant and also gets someone else pregnant at the same time. Anyway, they are pretty cool, but they have kept pretty much to themselves. Only a few, such as Burger, have come out to try other things.
Hewmen
The Hewmen are the race featured most in any incarnation of the REAL universe Star Trek. They and the Fulcans started Starfleece. The Fernguy first gave them this nickname, and it just stuck. From then on Hewmens have put their noses in where they don't belong and have basically tried to play god to the other races it finds, pressing on things such as "morals" and "values". They are highly despised.
Commander Hitricky
Commander Hitricky is the first officer on the Us Nightrain. Not much else is known about him, but you might try to see if he has a house or apartment here. If not, just wait until he gets his act together and sets one up.
Hitscissors, Dr. Julieann
Dr. Julieann Hitscissors graduated from the Academy not to long ago. He might have done better, but he was too busy making up excuses for why he wasn't top in his class. No one wanted his whiny attitude, or his drooling over every girl in site, so he got bumped to Deep Case 99, a place that was supposed to be boring. Instead it is boring with a nice view whenever a ship comes though. He is currently trying to build up some fame by stealing alien cures and claiming to invent them.
Hortex
The Hortex are a race of giant blobs that look like rocks. They eat mostly chicken, but kill any human that comes within 500 feet of their eggs, because most of them are born without, um, well, they can't have babies except for one so that one is very determined to hatch all her eggs.
Humm
Mr. Humm is always seen with Waxanna Troyas, as he is her servant. He never speaks to anyone, probably because Waxanna carries his vocal cords in a big. She puts them in only when she wants to. Humm has worked out quite a series of hand signals and plans to patent and teach them as soon as Waxanna dies.
Ambassador Ikky
Ikky is Ambassador for Nightrain under the command of Captain Pane. She aspires one day to be as bad a diplomat as Arek. She is also one of the most old and valued Starfleece crew members.
Information
Lt. Com. Information is an Android. He used to serve on the Donotenterprize-Dee, but now serves on the -Eee as OPS officer and second officer. He fell in love with the Grob queen, but she wanted to assimilate his cat so they broke up. He has a cat. His best friend if TiFloat, because no one else likes him. He talks way too much.
Janepounds, Kathy
Captain Kathy Janepounds commands the Us Voyaged. She is heavily overweight, and her hair is encrusted in cement so it never comes loose - even under heavy fire. She is in love with Cha-Koe-Tay, but he is repulsed by her. Her only friend if the Fulcan Two-Sqwak, and he is only friends with her because he thinks he can get an easy promotion this way. She used to be a science officer, and claims to be friends with Admiral France. All of Starfleece is still celebrating her getting lost.
Jartook
Jartook is a Kling-On. He commands the ship, er force, that surrounds Deep Case 99 to plumage, er defend, it. He is now legally Woof's father, even though Woof doesn't like him. He was captured by the Domino, but he escaped with Woof's help. Now he pretends to be Crisco's friend.
Jelly, Eddy
Admiral Jelly was once great supporter of Cow Coon's, but since Cow Coon followed his hewman-forced "morals", Jelly has grown to despise Cow Coon. He works at Starfleece HQ, but his office is a secret one.
Jerk, King Tiberia
Captain Jerk took command of the Donotenterprize right before it became real popular. He flew it for several years. Starfleece tried to take it away, they even promoted him. Finally they took it from him, but he stole it, found Pock, and the ship got destroyed. When he got home he was demoted back to Captain. After another couple years they tried to retire him again, but he snuck away on the Donotenterprize-Bee. He escaped to an energy bow until Pieace found him and yanked him out. Pieace used him as a disrupter shield to fight a bad guy, then threw him down a canyon, earning him two medals of honor. Finally Jerk died.
Kaisan
A really stupid race that held Kiss hostage, then actually tried to get her back when Janepounds rescued her! Many were killed and they followed her for years before giving up. Finally Janepounds out ran them and they haven't been heard from since.
Kebler, Zacky
Lt. Kebler serves with Captain Cow Coon as a security chief. Since he is made out of bricks, he is a good shield against enemy weapons. He went to school with Woof. They got into many fights until one the Hewman morals took effect and they made up. Zacky really is a wimp.
Key Ra Nice
Key Ra is a Dajoran and serves as first officer to Deep Case 99. She is in love with Unknown. She gave birth to the Orien baby because Cake-Oh got tired of being pregnant, so much so that she tried to commit suicide. Key Ra started out as a Major but is now a Corporal, which sources say is a demotion. She fought the Acedonkeyouts for a long time, so is very rough.
Kimberly, Berry
Ensign Kimberly Berry serves as OPS on the Us Voyaged. They decided to let him play a senior officer because he cried when he forgot his clarinet back at Deep Case 99 and Janepounds felt sorry for him. He is a very whiny officer, and was more than once killed, but returns to annoy us every week.
Kiss
Kiss was an alien held hostage by the Kaisan until Voyaged rescued her. She loved Knee-licks but started going out with France and forgot to tell her former boyfriend. He was so furious she had to escape to another plane of existence, then she hurled the ship ten years away at top speed so she'd never see them again. With her replacement, the Grob 7/9, no one even remembers her anymore.
KlinBorg
The first and only current holodeck program available publicly for the Grey and Germ-Rome chapter of Starfleece. There are two versions - one for males and one for females. If neither one fits you, just pick one. It takes place in the REAL universe where their versions of Grobs and Kling-Ons mix in a mighty battle.
Kling-On
A race of people that claim to be warriors, but really cowards. They never fight, always claiming it is because of "honor". Their "honor" is about as real as Hewmen's "morals". Everyone laughs at them all the time because they have frowned so much that their forehead is very creased. They biggest enemy is the Dribble. Members of this race include Woof and Jartook.
Knee-licks
Voyaged found Knee-licks and brought him along because he looked like a clown. His girlfriend, Kiss, came to. He really doesn't have a job on the ship. He picks a new one each week. The only constant thing he does is to do a t.v. show every morning and to cook lunch that no one but him eats.
Leecha
Leecha is a Dajoran who lives on Deep Case 99. She works in Cork's bar. She married ROM for who-knows-why. She always flirts with Hitscissors, even though she is a pretty loyal wife. She sent Egg off to Starfleece Academy soon after she married ROM so they could be alone.
Lifter, Bluejay
Lt. Lifter works on the Sword under Captain Cow Coon. She really doesn't do much. All she does is act like an officer and suck up to Yes Crayon, hoping to get a promotion. So far it hasn't worked.
London Short
Lt. Short is the chief engineer of the Us Nightrain, under the command of Captain Pane. He is one of the original officers, and is a very nice Kling-On.
L-Orian
The L-Orian is a race that was killed by the Grob except for a few like Guide-In. They are a race with a unique power, and are almost powerful enough to battle the ?, although they don't have half the ego.
Lose, Kay
Kay Lose is a Dajoran who is always threatening Crisco and Key Ra, although her replies are sugar-coated (a very good chocolate!). The only reason Starfleece still works on Deep Case 99 is because she has no influence whatsoever.
Mandy
Mandy is the wife of Arek and mother of Pock. She is also a Hewman.
Marker, Day-Vid
Day-Vid Marker is a brillant but stupid and impatient young scientist. He is a very big mama's boy. His mother is song Marker. His father is King Jerk. He was killed by Kling-Ons.
Marker, Song
Dr. Marker is a scientist who developed a very bad weapon. It was stolen and almost used on Jerk, but he got away. She and Jerk have a son named Day-Vid, who is dead.
McOh, Bark "Mickey"
McOh went to school with Woof and Zacky. He is an airhead and never pays attention to what's going on. He has an ability to see when someone asked him a question, and plucks the answer out of their minds, giving him a reputation for actually paying attention.
Megabyten
Lt. Megabyten is the chief enginerr of the Us Cockroach under the command of Captain Germ-Rome.
Messa
Messa was a cat-like creature with big claws that made it hard to work the panels on the Donotenterprize. She served during the inanimated series under the command of Jerk.
Mourn
Mourn is a big, deaf and dumb miner who sits at Cork's bar on Deep Case 99. Everyone always comes up and makes fun of him, pretending he's telling jokes and stuff and saying he talks to much.
Mug-A-Too!
Mug-A-Too! is a big hairy, ape-like species with a row of spikes on his back. One once fought Captain Jerk, but Jerk grabbed it be it's tail and it surrendered. One also serves on the Sword.
Neatyew, Alean
An Admiral that sent Cow Coon and the Sword out on it's mission.
Us Nightrain
The second ship in the parody fleet, commanded by Captain Pane.
Numero Uno
Numero Uno, a girl, was first officer under Captain Fish on the Donotenterprize.
Ocampon
The Ocampon are a race that the Kaisan demoinated. Kiss was an Campon.
O-Ga-Waa, Alishia
A nurse on the Donotenterprize-Dee and -Eee under Dr. Hills Orange.
Oleta
Lt. Oleta went to school with Woof and Zacky. She is a Fulcan. She serves as science officer. She was once saved by Yes Crayon, so she snuck him on the Sword.
Or
Ensign Or was a Dajoran that worked on the Donotenterprize. She later betrayed them and left.
Orange, Dr. Hills
Dr. Hills Orange was chief medical officer on the Donotenterprize-Dee and -Eee. She has one son, West Lee. Her husband died. She is on love with Pieace.
Orange, West Lee
West Lee Orange was the son of Dr. Hills Orange. He was made an acting ensign on the Donotenterprize-Dee. Later he went on to a higher plane of existence.
Orien, Cake-Oh
Cake-Oh Orien was a Lieutenant on the Donotenterprize-Dee. She had daughter named Mall-Eee. She transferred to Deep Case 99 and became a teacher. She had another child named Key Ra Yo Si. Key Ra gave birth to the baby. Her husband's name is Yards.
Orien, Key Ra Yo Si
This child is the daughter of Yards and Cake-Oh, but Key Ra gave birth to it.
Orien, Mall-Eee
Mall-Eee is the daughter of Yards and Cake-Oh Orien and the sister of Ke Ra Yo Si. Woof delivered her on the Donotenterprize-Dee.
Orien, Yards
Orien was the transporter chief on the Donotenterprize-Dee where he married Cake-Oh and they had a daughter named Mall-Eee. Then he became chief engineer on Deep Case 99 and he and Cake-Oh had another child, Key Ra Yo Si.
Pane
Captain Pane used to serve on the Cockroach but transferred to the Us Nightrain and is now the Captain.
Us Panther
The Us Panther is commander by Captain Ashbee Clerk, the twin sister to Ash Clerk. It was built by Admiral Grey.
Pieace, John-Lick
Captain Pieace once commanded the Moonwatcher, but it was shot down by the Fernguy. In this emergency Pieace used the now infamous Pieace Manure #1 to escape, but Dr. Orange's husband died. He then was given command of the Donotenterprize-Dee and made the Pieace Manure #2, where he yanks down the front of his uniform. After he let the ship crash, he took command of the newly built Donotenterprize-Eee. He was once assimilated by the Grob and killed tons of old Starfleece competitors, so he had no more competition. He was rescued and de-Grobified. He is the Kling-On's Armor of Succession, meaning if he gills Growlrun, he can rule the Kling-Ons.
Pock
Pock served under Captain Fish as a science officer, then became the first officer and science officer when Jerk took over the Donotenterprize. He later tried to retire, but Jerk yanked him back to duty. Finally he committed suicide to escape his Starfleece career, but again Jerk brought him back to life. Finally Jerk was presumed dead on the Donotenterprize-Bee and Pock threw a big party, after which be became a diplomat and encourages the Fulcans and ROMlands to keep fighting, although it seems peace will somehow prevail. He is son to Arek and Mandy.
Us Poleonfruit
Us Poleonfruit is a ship that is being built and will soon be commanded by Captain Cinder. The other officers are yet to be determined.
Us Proloser
This ship was part of the parody version of the UFK, but Admiral Grey destroyed it. A sequel was built.
Us Proloser-Aaa
Us Proloser-Aaa was commanded by Captain Waterdon Short, the twin of London Short, before he was promoted to Vice Admiral. It is now commanded by Captain Will-He.
Pullasky, Dr. Katie
Doctor Katie Pullasky transferred to the Donotenterprize-Dee as Dr. Orange's replacement, but was kicked off when Dr. Orange…persuaded…Captain Pieace to let her back on. She hated Information and other machines, but loved Rancor.